I'm not sure what has been causing all this frustration, doubt and depression, but I definitely know that PAIN is the biggest problem I have at the moment. Those of you who know me, will know that I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis....and I am totally sick of it.....Nowadays it seems when my pain gets to a certain level, I get rather emotional.
Yesterday, after seeing yet ANOTHER elderly couple who are fitter than me....I hit rock bottom and just let it all out. I'm more concerned now that I have upset my DS16 for allowing him to see me like I was. "I'm really sorry matey!"
I'ts been on my mind a lot lately, my pain, my mobility, my never-ending list of unfinished jobs.......
Is it going to get any better? Probably not...I see my Neurologist 10th of next month...He will probably start me on Osteoporosis meds then.....I often wonder..when the time comes, will I be able to cope with grandchildren...What if I need to mind the child so both parents can work? Will I be able to cope?
Things on my To Do List for yesterday...
5am wake up and take meds (slow release) then get ready to leave for train station at 5.15am5.15am leave to drop DS19 off at train station5.45am I'm back home, but can't go back to bed wide awake...so I catch up on the blogging/forum world.6.10am Talk to hubby while he is getting ready to leave for work then back on internet7am DS16 gets up and gets ready for school, I chat with him until I take him to school, as he has a swollen knee again from doing too much exercise)8am I take DS16 to schoolthen return to another list.....Washing (4 loads in a 9kg machine...OMG, I have been lazy)Meat out for teaPick up hearing aid batteries for DS19Pick up hearing aid batteries for Mum (different location, as DVA approved)Return light globes to Coles as they don't work ($12 refund for 2 globes, and they were marked down), Check out specials while at Coles.Do bulk shopping at Aldi's ...long overdue.- Go to Woolworths for Cranberry tablets for mum...(looked in Coles and they don't stock them, cheaper than chemist at Woollies)...check out specials while at WW
Pick up specialist referrals from Doctor Surgery for MumPick up x-rays for DS16's knee...(different location than Doctor Surgery)Price timber for front garden at local saw-millRing gardener to get quote for front garden....(finally admitted it's too big of a job for me on my own)Pick mushrooms from under Mum's unitWater mushroom beds both morning and night as well as newly planted seedlings.Mulch one small garden bed from HUGE trailer load of mulch from the tip the day before...it costs $6 for them to dump it into your trailer, if you shovel it yourself, it's free.....($6 well spent)Bring washing in as it dries to make room for more washing...fold and put awayFall in an emotional heap and have a two hour rest in bed before doing dinner, AND decide to up meds for pain and depressionPick up DS19 from train station while cooking tea. (Hubby will stir and flip while I am away)Prepare dinner (Ham steaks, herbed spuds, fried mushrooms
Things on my To Do List for TODAY...
After having a good night's sleep without tossing about, trying to get comfy due to aches and pains.....
Here is today's list so far......I don't want to go back to where I was yesterday with all those crazy emotions,....it's not a good place to be....So I will TRY to take things down a peg or two.......but here is my list so far.......
5am wake up and take meds (slow release) then get ready to leave for train station at 5.15am5.15am leave to drop DS19 off at train station5.45am I'm back home, but can't go back to bed wide awake...so I catch up on the blogging/forum world.6.10am Talk to hubby while he is getting ready to leave for work then back on internetWashing (2 loads, work clothes and bed linen...I hope)Get meat out for teaDon't forget breakfast today...made a meal from leftovers last night...YummHang washing out on the lineStrip beds and wash bed linen- Tidy kitchen,
unpack dishwasher Go to newsagent to pay Paper Bill (we get Saturday's local paper for job listings and garage sales, but I haven't even been looking at the Garage Sale listings for a few months now)Go to High School and pay DS16's school feesPhotocopy Hubby's birth certificate and get it stamp certified by a Justice of the Peace (Local Chemist)Take DS16 to doctor for knee damage...(Perfect timing really as there is a Teacher's Strike)Empty all rubbish bins as well as frozen rubbish...(It's bin night tonight)- Tidy up yard a little, (surely some can go in the bin instead of paying for the tip.)
- Plant Sage & Thyme (at least these two, but I have others to do too)
Ring Limeburst for quote on ordering FingerLimes..Drop Mum off at Physio while I run some errands and attend to this listBring washing in as it dries, Fold and put away, also re-make beds- Give bedrooms a quick tidy
- Give bathroom a quick tidy and wipe-over
Go to Woolworths for Cranberry tablets for mum...(looked in Coles and they don't stock them, cheaper than chemist at Woollies)...check out specials while at WWPick up DS19 from train station while cooking tea. (Hubby will stir and flip while I am away)Prepare dinner (hopefully have it ready before picking up DS19 from train station)
If your'e still reading then "Thanks for letting me ramble on" .....Hubby thinks I am too hard on myself...I just can't help thinking about the jobs I haven't done or haven't completed yet........I do feel better about the front garden now that I have decided to pay to have it built.....I have been searching for a good source of recycled timber for months now with no luck....and I know now that I won't be doing the building work for it.
I know this is just a rut, and I'm sure you have all been in one at sometime.......
I better go and get some more crossed off...the washing machine is on its last spin.
Remember..if you don't get it done today...it can wait 'till tomorrow.............
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| Leftovers for brekky...Yum! |
5pm update....I still have tea to finish, but it is in the works already..which is great.....It's amazing what a good sleep and increasing my morning pain meds has done.....I almost finished what I had planned on the list, but hey! Tomorrow is another day...and if I don't get everything finished tomorrow.....There will be a few extra people around to help me.......as they won't be at work or school.
Hugs, Narelle... go easy on yourself dear girl - you need to take it easy without feeling guilt. Your health is of the utmost importance to you and your family. Everything else can wait! (((((((((((Narelle))))))))
ReplyDeleteI will pray for you and your pains. I hope you son's knee is not something serious. I loved reading your lists! I would feel extremely lazy for my days, and I should, but I enjoyed reading all you do! love,andrea
ReplyDeleteNarelle, take a break, your health is more important than anything else. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. I know about burnout and believe me you don't want to go there.
ReplyDeleteThat list is way too long. Spend some time thinking about what makes your heart sing and then make sure you allow time everyday to do some of those things.
cheers Kate
Women are divine creations of a loving Father in Heaven! I learned from a Prophet of God that we woman are to do the very best we can. Focus on the things you did accomplish not the things you did not. If you are doing your best then the Lord is on your side.
ReplyDeleteI hope that is not to much religion for you. Hang in there deary. I am sorry you are having a hard go of it. Feel better and thanks for being so forward on your blog. Much love, Melissa
Hugs my sweet! We can all only do so much
ReplyDeleteOh nellymary I feel for you. Pain is very debilitating and draining...
ReplyDeleteMy mum always says, dont worry about getting behind with things because they will wait for you! And they do lol!
Try and take it easy, and rest up for a while.
What is your famliy doing to help out. Why can't DS16 pay his school fees when he goes to school. Can't DS19 find a way home from station on his own? I guess what I am saying is who say's you have to do it all! Every family member should be pulling their weight around the house. You can not wear your self out at such a young age you need to save yourself for your golden years. Take care of yourself there is only one of you. SheenaMarie
ReplyDeleteLiving with pain is a rough one. For me, it also brings fatigue. One good thing - learning to do things efficiently to save energy. Also, I've learned to just let some things go until I have a good energy spell. Of course, living on my own, it's easier to get away with some of that.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you're dealing with, but if it's inflammation based, this has helped me. Natural anti-inflammatories: turmeric, fresh pineapple, garlic, onion, celery. The easiest is turmeric capsules. It's way better for you than ibuprofen (sp?).
And I agree with above advice - put this on your to-do-list: spend some time stretched out on the lounge chair, reading, listening to music, enjoying the view, napping, even shelling peas, just reveling in whatever pleases you. No guilt. Making you happy is good for the health of the whole family. I hope they all appreciate how lucky they are to have you.
love,
brenda from arkansas
Maybe DS19 can ride a pushbike to the station and chain it up and ride home at the end of the day? If he needs to carry anything he could use a backpack or attach a milk crate to the bike?
ReplyDeleteAny hows hope your feeling better soon nellymary
Regards
Kellie
Indeed darling, choose your battles. That goes for me too. And by the looks of your to-do lists... geesh woman!. I get tired just reading it!
ReplyDeletetake care of yourself hun...
Aaaagh, I feel for you. That overwhelming feeling is a bugger - look after yourself as you so obviously look after others!
ReplyDeleteNarelle, my heart goes out to you. I'm feeling a bit the same as I have an ear infection that goes on and on and I feel less than OK too. One day at a time, I guess and focus on doing this one thing which will make a difference - then the next one.
ReplyDeleteI feel so for you in such pain. You need to slow down .. working towards a simpler life means just that .. simplify! You fit too much into your day and as much as I admire you for all you do, I think it's time to do a little less and - that magic word - delegate!
ReplyDeleteSeagreen
I think you need to barter with the boys for you running them about etc. They could strip all the beds in the house and put all the linen in the wash. they could do all of the folding of the washing and take one night each to cook. They can clean the bathroom and toilet and do the vaccuming for you after dinner. They will need to do all of that and more when they leave home which will not be far off so they should get in the habit now.
ReplyDeleteNarelle I read your blog on a regular basis and I"m always impressed with how much you DO achieve. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I'm reluctant to offer advice but here it goes. I don't know how much your boys do around the house, but if it's not much it's time they stepped up. You are all adult sized people in your house, who all contribute to making normal family chores necessary. Everyone has to take responsibility to help clean it all up. You do a huge amount for everyone else. Keeping on top of things in the house takes a team effort. I'm sorry about the pain. It's so fatiguing.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you get This Much Done let alone more!! You are amazing. I agree with your Hubby , you are too hard on yourself. I know how it is though, as I too have a mental list of all the things still needing finished always in my mind. So many things seem to be needing now if not yesterday. Yet when we can't get them done...no way some days can we as we all only have 24 hours in our days....they are able to wait to be done. That you get so much done And with pain is a testament to your strength and the One who holds you in His hand. Sarah
ReplyDeleteThank-you everyone for the wonderful advice on here..I will certainly take it all under my hat....It seems I wasn't the only one in a rut. On further communication with the rest of the family...we have now gotten so many things understood so much clearer. I did vent quite a bit over the last few days, and am now regretting it a little. My boys do help me a great deal...and I'm not sure that I made that known. I only have to ask and they do it; Especially now that we have all had a chat. We are all more in touch with each others needs now.
ReplyDeletePain is a hard one to deal with on a daily basis, and yes, it does get to me occasionally, but otherwise I am usually in control with it all...I have now decided to up my morning dose...and not wait until I need it around lunchtime...as they are slow release, waiting until the pain is just unbearable is just silly.
We all joined in with a working bee yesterday in the yard, as I wanted to get it cleaned up too....I'm so grateful for the family I have and the love we all have for one another. Although we get a little off track occasionally,we are a great team.
Thanks everyone for all your wonderful thoughts, prayers and advice. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.