Mum's eulogy

In memory of Joyce Clarke
28.04.1934 to 01.09.2013
Photo taken in 2009 (age 75)

It's Mum's birthday, she would have been 79....... I've mentioned before how dear I miss my mum, and for those who have lost a loved one dear to you.....You know how I'm feeling....

There have been many firsts since my mother has passed away in September last year....

But this one...this first....is her birthday and I'd like to share with you the eulogy I wrote honouring her life...

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Where do I start? There’s so much I could say …and what parts do I leave out?           I hope I don’t keep you too long…but here goes….

Joyce Isabel Cady was the first of five born to parents Richard and Edeline Cady on 28 April 1934 at the Brooklyn Private Hospital in Kiama.  Joyce found her calling as a Nurse’s Aide, working in Obstetrics and the Psychiatric Ward in Goulburn.

After giving up nursing because of her allergies, Mum moved back to the Kiama area. In 1954 Mum married my father Horace. Everyone knew him as Nobby though…  At that time Dad had not long returned from active service in the Korean War. … 

What I didn't know was that 8 years earlier, my father had married another lady…also named Joyce. I found this out while researching the family history. I gently approached Mum with the subject, having no clue how she would react because I never found documentation that he had divorced the first Joyce. 

She said in a quiet calm voice…

”Oh yes, he told me that there was another woman named Joyce, but that I had nothing to worry about.” 

“I had already fallen madly in love with him, so I just accepted what was, and got on with it.”.....and this love glowed brightly throughout their entire marriage.

I guess she thought the strapping young soldier, (my father) was quite a catch and worth the risk. Trustingly, he had told her that the relationship was a mere marriage of convenience, and that they never lived together very long..... and it was over before he went to Korea. 

As any family historian would do, I investigated further, wondering if there may be a half brother or sister out there somewhere. 

It was to be an eventful and rocky start to their marriage because Mum fell ill and had her gallbladder removed while on their honeymoon. How romantic!

In the early years of their marriage, Mum had trouble conceiving and sadly delivered two stillborn babies, both at full term. It wasn't until about three years ago, that I found that these babies had been buried in the Albury Pioneer Cemetery. When I told Mum I had found her babies, she became rather quiet with many unhappy memories flooding back….she recalled how upset she was to have lost her baby (Robert) the day before Anzac Day, only to have her newly wedded husband leave her to join in the Anzac March and two-up festivities. 

On top of the heartache, she was never allowed to hold either babies she lost, and assumed they were discarded as hospital waste. Sadly, this was common practice in those days….I can't imagine the darkness of this 50 year assumption. After more discussion, we realized that Dad must have ‘handled things’, as the babies burials must have been paid for. One was even named. Only Dad would have had the means to pay for the burials of the babies. But it was never discussed and I know that troubled Mum, wondering why her husband would make these arrangements without telling her. I often wonder what things would be like, if Robert had lived...... Would I even exist?

As my father was a soldier before life with Mum, she learnt very quickly that she had also married the Army. The next ten years or so would prove that while they lived at 3 Sub Depot Army Barracks in Bandiana.

While living in Bandiana  in 1956……Mum gave birth to her first daughter, my sister Susanne at the Wodonga District Hospital. Not long after Sue was born, the young family moved to Englehart Street in Albury and it was to be a long and difficult 9 ½ years before they would conceive again successfully. That’s when my brother Richard came into the world.

Between the birth of Richard in 1965 and 1968, Mum, Dad, Sue and Richard moved to the family home that we know as 34 Lindsay Street, Wodonga. Every house in the street was Army. Over the next few years, Mum and Dad tried again to conceive.... as they felt another child would make their family complete. 

After several miscarriages, they decided to adopt a child. 

This is where I come in……....

I can thank my lucky stars that in 1969, Mum became ill and was too sick to complete the adoption. Mum has told me on several occasions that they had the adoption papers in the house. After seeing several doctors they were blown away by the news that Mum wasn't really sick, when in reality, she was just pregnant…..With me! … 

I guess you could say I was her most troubling pregnancy, with her spending more time in the hospital than out. The troubles I caused her when I came into the world two months early didn't stop there. Dad was also in trouble with the matron, as he had remarked; “bi crikey, she’s small”….The matron stiffly turned and said to Mum, “What does he expect for a 2 month premmie?”

Both Mum and Dad used to tell me that I could fit into a child size shoe box.  Hard to imagine now hey!

When I was four, Dad had his first major heart attack. The worries for Mum with a husband with a bad heart must have been horrible. Somewhere in there Dad retired from the Army due to health conditions brought on by being in Active Service in Korea. 

It was only in recent years that Mum let slip here and there, the degree of Dad’s nightmares. Over the years, Mum must have kept a lot of things bottled up inside her heart.

I’ve always called her the Peace-Keeper of the family and she definitely stopped some big wars between us kids over the years...... With Dad so ill, what he didn’t know, couldn't hurt him.

In 1974 we moved to Rutherglen and into the Old State Bank Building. Looking back, I can see how Mum was virtually a single Mum, but with an invalid husband who didn’t leave the house much. Despite the difficulties, we had some great fun with different activities on the weekends when Mum would take us yabbying…or if it was the right season, we'd go picking mushrooms.  

I don’t ever remember Dad being well enough to go kick a football with my brother…and that’s so sad…..but I do recall him taking me down to the local footy oval to teach me how to ride a pushbike without trainers.

Most weekends involved hunting and gathering some sort of food. Whether it was yabbying, picking wild fruit, or buckets of mushrooms or even shooting rabbits.

When blackberries were in season, we also made many trips to the Stanley forest near Beechworth to pick wild blackberries.

Mum taught me to rub the green fruit onto your hands to lift the stains from your skin. I know this works with Mulberries, but I can’t recall if it worked with the blackberries. 

Trips to Beechworth, often involved a packed esky and we’d enjoy a quiet tea on the edge of a little creek, just off the main road into town. We also picked up rock lichen in the surrounding hills, which Mum would use to dye the wool of her sheep. Lichen dyes wool a lovely bright shade of pale green.

Mum turned any gathered fruit into the most delicious preserves and jams around. She was a good cook, and loved cooking pickles too. Desserts and home baked bread were specialties of hers too. Growing up around Mum’s kitchen, we were often volunteered to “STAND AND STIR”, if Mum needed help.  I guess Mum had her share of “STAND AND STIR” while learning from her Mother too…..Just a few months ago; I got her to stir sauce for me while I quickly did something else. I even get my boys to STAND AND STIR occasionally for me now too.  I know Mum was very proud of me for taking on all the old family recipes. It’s a nice feeling to know that you’re keeping things alive.

After Dad had another Major Heart attack while up a ladder, Mum and us kids packed up the already sold house, and moved everything over to our new home in 5 Booth Street, still in Rutherglen. This was across the road from the old timber Sawmill. Mum always said that we didn't need an alarm clock because the saw mill started up every day at 7am on the dot.

The lengths that mum went to while we were growing up was above and beyond what makes a good mum. Even while caring for an invalid husband, she always had time to run us around.  I remember one year, I made this huge poster for an art competition for the Winery Walkabout Long Weekend. Well; Mum drove me around to all the wineries so that I could take a photo of them to put in my display. She never once questioned her time or the cost that would have been involved. I won the competition that year and my poster was displayed in the window of the local solicitor Rod Ambrose.

Maybe that was the same weekend our goats ran loose in the main street of Rutherglen. I remember hearing an announcement come over the loud speaker with Tony Gillman saying “ Could Joyce Clarke please come and collect your goats, they have escaped and have been running wild in the crowd” You see; Mum rented the empty block that backed onto the Main Street.  

My mother was a very generous member of the Rutherglen Community.  She was always willing to help out when a young girl found herself pregnant too. She would ring around and gather whatever was needed. While packing them up though, she’d give me a stern…."Don’t you ever find yourself in this type of situation, because I won’t be so nice"....so when I finally fell pregnant at the age of 21, I went to my sister and told her first….I was horrified at how mum would react, so took Sue along with me.

Mum drove us everywhere. We used to go to Lavington for roller-skating on a Friday night. Richard had Judo in Albury too, and I doubt that Dad was well enough to take him. At 16, I was selling Nutri-Metics at night, and mum was always taking me to demonstrations. Never once, do I remember her complaining about all the running around.

1987 must have been Mum’s worst year. I watched as she grieved for her husband. Dad had his final and fatal heart attack. We found him outside the old dunny down the back yard. I think because mum had it torn down so quick, some folks actually thought he died on the loo.

Those that knew Mum, knew that her main passions were Bingo and Craftwork. She reveled in her own Craft Shop called Calico and Hessian and for a number of years, even Dad got involved. I remember Mum doing a leatherwork course to add to her many skills and list of crafts. But it was Dad that eventually took over the leatherwork craft.

Over the years mum has put her hand to Knitting, Crochet, Macramé, Leatherwork, Dying and Spinning wool from her own sheep, card making, bread baking, soap making, gardening, Lapidary work with Opal, and breeding meat birds…and that’s just to name a few…..So you see, it’s in our blood to be creative, us three kids are all creative in some way.

Even after she moved from Cooper’s Court- Rutherglen,   up to Oak Flats (600km away) to help out with Nan Cady…..Did she give up her role in the craft shop in Rutherglen….No way!....She had me send her craft by mail to be put in the shop on consignment. I guess she couldn’t bring herself to make that final break. After all, the ladies connected to the shop are friends from a lifetime.

One of mum’s favorite gadgets was the telephone. Keeping in touch with friends and family by phone was very important to her. I know she loved talking on the phone, because her bill used to come to us.

Mum lived with us for almost 9 years before passing away. In that time, she was as involved with her grandchildren’s lives as much as she could be. She had a brag book, which I had to keep up to date…she showed off those photos to anyone that was willing to have a look, especially at bingo.

Distance was never a problem for mum and up until about 18 months ago, she could still do the 600km drive to Victoria to visit family and old friends. Driving wasn't the problem, it was with walking to her car and getting in and out that was hard. She struggled daily with pain…..With these long road-trips; Mum could rattle off the location of every fruit tree from here to Rutherglen. 

I don’t think she ever stopped thinking I can do this….I can still do that…..but my husband; knowing her limited mobility... had this ongoing but fun debate with her about the cost of apples as opposed to the cost of fuel and the effort involved hunting for wild fruit.

I’ve watched her body grow old, but her mind was always strong…..I’m sure quite a few of you have heard her tell her favorite joke about the prostitutes and the police handing out oranges. She loved telling that joke. Ask around...you’ll find someone she’s told it to here.

When she lived in Coopers Court, another move in Rutherglen….she was a member of the Rutherglen Fishing Club, and while her body didn’t allow her to go fishing much once she moved up here...She was satisfied to be able to watch from the car. It was the same with gardening….I would set up a chair for her in the shade, and she’d watch me tend the garden. I think she enjoyed the company too.

Once she had her unit built in our backyard  we decided it was in her best interest to have quick contact with us in the main house if anything went wrong. Let’s just say that modern technology wasn’t mum’s thing. We tried different phone setups, we also tried walkie talkies, but somehow she managed to reprogram her hand piece so that it would NOT communicate with the other one...With this total disagreement with technology, we decided on a wireless doorbell. We had the doorbell beside her bed, and one where she sits in her lounge room…..and if she rang the doorbell, it would then ring in our hallway where everyone would hear it. 

It was a great idea, and worked wonderfully…But remember how I said it was for emergencies, or if something went wrong……..It got to the stage that when the doorbell rang, we’d almost roll our eyes, wondering who’s turn it was to go see her….Talk about the boy who cried wolf…..We even teased her about it, but we dreaded that doorbell because it ended up being to ask, “What color wool should I use next?” OR…."Look what I made" .....or even …. “Is the Wrestling on today?” 

She loved watching the wrestling with Andrew and knew most of the wrestlers by name.

Sometimes it’s the little annoying things that we easily recall…..like how Mum had hand gestures for things….I don’t know why, but she often just gestured that she needed a drink..instead of just asking for a drink….or she’d wave her empty drink bottle around while watching television with us, hoping someone would catch on and ask if she would like a drink. She had lots of little hints like that, subtle but not subtle…..Maybe we joked about her free-use of that doorbell too much, because I would go hang the washing on the line, and I’d hear this almighty THUMP THUMP THUMP a few times…..This was her banging her walking stick on the floor in the unit….I’d go see what she wanted, and she would play the “I have no idea what you’re talking about"…."Oh that! I just had a cramp in my leg."

It’s those little things, and big things too, I will miss….She’s been a big part of my daily life for 9 years and my mother for 42. I was her day to day carer and confidant. But more than that, she relied on me to pick her up if she was down, she trusted me to keep her safe.  She depended on my strength. I promised her a long time ago that I’d let her go if the situation presented itself….In the hospital, we had a few talks about her going to be with Dad, after all, 25 years is a long time to be on your own……

With her body failing so quickly; It would have been selfish of me to fight for her to stay….

I love my mum, and I’ll miss her terribly. 

Narelle Pearce

in honour of my mother 

Let them fly!

With all the changes happening around here, I don't know where my head is some days. I wish to thank each and every person who has contacted me wondering when I was going to begin blogging again...After dealing with Mum's estate; It's time I did something for myself again.....Well I guess now is that time.....

Please understand: I've been putting it off because I didn't want the most important post I've published, moving down the blog line.....and that was when I wrote about the recent death of my dear mother. It's taken some time for me to realise; and lots of tears, but I know that mum would want me to keep blogging. So I've moved some things around to keep some very important people at the top of my blog.... 

There will be more changes to my blog (slowly) as I get back into the swing of things....but they'll all be good, I promise.

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How does that saying go? If you catch a butterfly, let it go, if it comes back, it's yours....Something like that ....the point is...you have to let them fly!

Being a mother to two completely different boys...I often look back at all the one-on-one times with each of them. You know; the times before they decide they want to hang out with their Dad more..or hang out with their mates..you know before they discover girls? My boys are growing up, turning into fine young men too I might add. They've both now gone through all those stages and are both now preparing for their future. 

DS21 is slowly moving into Mum's unit (on our property). Sometimes we call it 'his place', but it will always be 'Mum's place' to me. His girlfriend is moving in with him after Christmas too which is such an exciting stage for a young couple. I'm glad they will be close, as DS21 still likes to come to me for advice, comfort and security. Since Mum has passed away and Hubby works away from home I've realized just how much I depend on the company of my boys. It's a big change for everyone having mum gone, and it's something we are slowly working on...and it's definitely a quiet change I wasn't predicting in my near future. 

Before Mum passed away I had made the decision to allow K to move in with DS21 into his bedroom and that they are welcome to live with us until they save a deposit for a house. I'm at peace now with the decision I made to move them into mum's unit; I know that Mum would agree with me. A young couple needs their space...they would have been rather cramped in his little bedroom....Mum was always looking out for her grandchildren and always wanted what was best for them. 

DS21 will be starting his 3rd year of his apprenticeship (Mum would be so proud of his top marks at TAFE) as an Overhead Linesman Electrician for CityRail and K (his girlfriend) will be begin studying as a Veterinarian Nurse in the new year. It's a big move for K living away from her family (10 hour drive)...but don't worry K's Mum...I know I will look after her as if she was my own. It will be good to have another woman in the house too.

DS17 (18 in the first week of January)  [to soon I might add] has also had some changes with his world too. While he played a big part in his Nan's life, he has had some good distractions to help him cope with her death. DS17 recently obtained his licence and is able to drive a car on his own now. I've bought mum's car for him from her estate and it's a comfort knowing the history of the car and the maintenance that my hubby and boys kept up on it too. Last week DS17 approached the same business where DS21 first started employment and came home with the offer of being accepted for a trial shift. While it yanks hard at the heart strings, I'm pleased and mighty proud of my boys for the growth they have made over the last 12 months..

I guess his trial went well (I knew it would though), because last night DS17 had his 2nd shift at Sam's Pizza delivering the best pizza's in town. Being offered a bright snazzy new uniform I guess he is part of the team now. So now he is part of the workforce now too. He looks so grown up......

Sam's Pizza - DS17 Delivery Driver

This is new to me too, as I'm not used to being on my own for meals, and evenings....another change I wasn't counting on anytime soon.....While I know that this is only a temporary position for him, I also know that he is reaching higher with possibly a trainee-ship in the Army. That's a whole new change I will deal with if/when  the time comes. For now, I take one day at a time!

We all have to start somewhere...I started with babysitting...like lots of my friends at the time...then moved on to a take-away shop on the front counter and on from there......

Looking back...Mum had watched my sister, then my brother both leave the nest and marry....then my father died, then I left the nest....I wonder what things mum did to help her cope with the loneliness, the humm of the silent house?  It must have been tough for my mother to let me go, being the baby of the family, not having the love of her life to grow old with......I wonder how she coped with this "Empty Nest feeling"?

If my mum hadn't let me go...I never would have learn't to fly.....

It's not only my boys who grow from the decisions I make...It's me too! 

I'm letting my boys fly now too!

RIP Mum

Rest in Peace my dear Mother.........

Nanna Clarke....taken about 2 months ago in Brisbane

I'll keep this short for now (as I haven't had time for a full post for months, and certainly aren't up to it at this time), but I'd like to announce the sad passing of my mother this week.........

Mum suffered a long battle with bowel problems along with other medical problems including Diabetes and Kidney Disease.....
Two weeks ago I called an ambulance due to mum suffering with violent vomiting which then turned into vomiting what I though was bile. It was diagnosed that she had suffered an obstruction in the small bowel.

After 9 days in the hospital, Mum began to recover (us thinking how great it was that she would not be needing corrective surgery)..... only to start asking for strong pain relief again. More investigation showed that at she had developed another bowel obstruction which perforated within 24 hours. The infection that developed also began to shut down her kidneys....... Once this was known it was decided by family and surgeons that she would not benefit from any surgeries, but only suffer more.....
The enormously tough decision was made to...... 
'just keep her comfortable for the next few days'.......

Mum kept up the good fight for quite a while.....after all, she's the strongest woman I've had the pleasure of knowing.......
I guess she decided for herself that those who needed to say goodbye...had done so...Mum had many loved ones visit over the last few days....even travelling from Brisbane and Victoria.

Some say that maybe she even knew that her 78 year life was beginning to come up short......planning a trip to Wodonga (600km) for a visit with two life long, very ill friends...(I worked it out that the three of them hadn't been in the same room for more than thirty years)......

Cynthia, Freida & Mum
Reunited after more than thirty years.
I loved making this trip for mum.

..........Followed by a trip to Brisbane (1800km), accompanied by my son Lloyd......"Thanks matey...your Nanna could never have made such a huge trip if you didn't give up your entire school holidays to go with her and help her cope." I'm so proud of  you Lloyd.....

Lloyd with his Nan
This would be the last time Nan had any photos taken

This Brisbane trip was to meet for the first time....her two great-grand daughters Eliana and Nikaya from her 2nd born grand-daughter Marie...(Marie is a wonderful photographer).

*Mum also has two great-grand sons from her first born grand-daughter Shona.
A 2nd trip for Eli and Nikaya to see their 'Gate-Nan' was planned for before Christmas, but this was not to be......

Nikaya, Nanna Clarke and Eliana

After gathering family from all over, I gave Mum many opportunities to finally go be with dad....
(Giving your mother permission to leave you, in a room full of other people that also don't want her to leave...is really tough, but she asked me to do this for her many years ago, if the situation ever presented itself).......So with this plan that she had always had....I guess I just thought that once she had 'seen everyone' she would gently pass away with many loved ones around her...which would have been nice......
With me busy putting all those plans in place....I never dreamed that it might be me, that would leave the room while she passed away.......

Mum's passing........
Both myself and my niece Shona (Marie's sister) kept a very tight bedside vigil with her for the last 48 hours. We had ordered pizza at 12 midnight, which was to be delivered at the hospital at roughly 12.45am. I told Shona to put her feet up and shut her eyes until I picked up the pizza from down stairs...I figured 45 minutes of shut-eye would be good for her as she had not rested since driving from Victoria with her two young boys. I planned to take the time to just tidy up the room a little and have room to serve the pizza.
Time passed and the pizza guy rang...Shona said...."That was a short 45 minutes"....and I looked at my watch...which read 12.21am.....I went down to the main entrance to collect the pizza. I was gone for a very brief time, as he was there waiting for me already. With pizza in hand, I casually walked down the long hallway of the ward...smiling at familiar faces who were still awake....and when I opened Mum's door.......

I could tell that her health had declined drastically.....I ran for the nurse and it was figured that it was probably less than 30 seconds before I entered the room that she gave her last breath. When the nurses entered her room she had already began losing her lovely glow......I knew by then, that my Mum had passed away. Shona and I both looked at each other with tears in total disbelief and soon decided that Mum passed away at 12.25am on 01 September 2012. Shona and I rang family to share the sad news, and after formalities and packing up her room, we left the hospital at 4.45am Saturday morning.

Mum had a gap of roughly just 3 to 5 minutes of being alone..... The perfect time I guess...if you don't want to cause your daughter or grand-daughter the pain of seeing you breathe your last breath and leaving this crazy wild world..........

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[[Dearest Mum.....you have no more back pain, no lack of circulation pain, no kidney troubles, no diabetes to worry about daily, no more nasty meds and injections, no more skin ulcers developing from your extremely thin skin, no concerns of going into a home, no worries about losing your memory like your mother did.....  You were a great peace-keeper, the best I know, calming and stopping many wars....and you were a very generous person. You've taught me many skills along the way, skills I'm grateful for, skills that make me some of the mother I am today.....

My dear mother, you will be sadly missed....It's been 25 years since dad died....and that's an awful long time to be alone......It's time now Mum, for you to finally rest with Dad. I'll make sure that happens for you. I love you.]]

Wood Stoves & Charities

I've always admired the people who are equipped to cook on a wood stove in their kitchen. Glimpses take me back to my childhood to a few of those people. The first that comes to mind was my best friends Nanna. Nanna Humphries taught me how yummy mushrooms were, by dabbing a bit of butter directly on the hotplate and frying a freshly gathered mushroom right on the heat....a pinch of salt and ohhhhhh sooo yummy. I couldn't wait to run home and tell mum I finally like mushrooms. I'm sure she was most impressed as mushroom hunting was a weekend event we enjoyed quite regularly.(I never liked the way Mum cooked mushies back then...even though I cook them the same now)...lol

Aunty Milly (my Nan's sister) and Uncle Lindsay lived in Ardmona Victoria and ran a Dairy Farm. I always got up earlier than the others because if I was sneaky enough I could pour fresh milk on my cereal without stirring the cream in. "Did you stir the cream in before you poured your milk Narelle?"
"Yes Aunty", I'd reply.....I think she knew better though...lol

On childhood visits I recall cooking toast on the fire with Aunty and her always having a huge teapot of hot water on hand...even for washing the dishes. A good cook knows how many logs of Red-gum and how many of Yellow-box will make a good batch of scones; Aunty was one of 'those' cooks. She certainly knew her Slow Combustion Stove and she knew her cooking too. The taste of smokey toast after being 'blackened' by the open fire was delicious...or maybe it was the farm fresh butter.....even if I did have to scrape half the charred remains off. The mere fact that I was allowed to fork a slice of bread and sit at the fire to 'toast' it, was good enough for me. We certainly weren't allowed or able to do anything like that back at home.

I recently spent the weekend in Mudgee with Hubby and the family he is boarding with while away for work. What a wonderful family they are too. I never imagined that allowing my hubby to live with another family would be so hard.  BUT....all my fears and insecurities have now been washed away after spending the weekend with them. I felt right at home and am also able to join in the conversation now with Hubby when he talks of  the people 'I didn't know'...It's great, as I am able to relate to everything much easier...and I'm welcome back there any time as they say I'm now part of the family too.

While there I was able to cook on top of a wood stove all weekend ... which was heaven. I was truly in my element...only problem now is that I am looking for ways to incorporate a wood stove here....the family think I'm nuts..all that extra work....lol.. A girl can dream though hey!

Sure, the cooking can be fantastic, but the money saved in heating excites me big time. I heard on the radio this morning that electricity prices in the Illawarra will rise by 18% next month...and even though I have natural gas for heating, we have three heaters on our property that can all be on at once sometimes.....If I could limit the amount of gas used in the winter months, by rendering fat, brewing soups, drying clothes, enjoying the warmth, ect on a wood stove I'm sure we could come out in front.......

I figure if I have any chance of installing a wood fire in our house...I better get rid of some stuff! Lately it seems that almost every room in the house has become a spare room...so I'm decluttering the spare room and moving things around to get things fitting back in there. Maybe then I will be able to work on decluttering the kitchen and moving larger items into the spare room.
My larder takes up an entire wall of the dining room and it's hard to do a full day of cooking up and down the step that divides the two rooms. I'd dearly love to have the dining room floor built up to the same level as the kitchen...So I've kind of set myself a 12 month plan to be ready for next winter......but to do all that renovation...(as cheap as possible of-course).......
I first need to de-clutter....

If your local to the Illawarra area and are looking for a good place to recycle your old computers...look no further than the Illawarra Computer Bank.....they do a great service providing people with computers who can't afford to buy one......

Donating 2 computers & 16 boxes of books
Not a bad start to a dream

Also, if your looking for a good charity to donate books to...Lifeline runs a 3 day book fair every year raising thousands of much needed dollars. The profits of which go toward supporting Lifeline South Coast activities in our community.

Do you have a wood heater or wood stove? What tips do you have?

Maybe you have used these charities before....I'd love to hear about it. 
Do you attend the book fairs?
Maybe you know of another charity similar in your area.  

On my mind...Thinking of loved ones passed

Many thanks to Rhonda at Down to Earth for this concept.
This is a Friday photo feature that anyone with a blog can join. To take part, post a photo on your own blog, write a short caption explaining it, and link it back to here from your blog by saying you're part of "On my mind". Please write a new post, don't link to an older one. When you've done that, come back here and add a comment below, with  a link to your blog. 


I warn you, reading this post, you may need a box of tissues.......
I was going to write about the beetroot I have preserved and the stuffing balls I have made....but after reading Rhonda's blog post today..I think this is more appropriate.......

Christmas is a time when we reflect...a time for celebration yes, but also in many households...a time for sadness. Sadness for the pain of missing a loved one....sadness maybe because you are not where you wish you could be at Christmas. My thoughts go to the people who have recently lost a loved one, or that have a family member who is not long for this earth. Christmas is a time for me, when I reflect how fortunate I am....fortunate to have two wonderful sons, fortunate to have a wonderful husband, fortunate to still have one parent alive....fortunate to have good food at the ready, and good protection from the weather with a warm cosy bed at night.

I am fortunate for the love I am surrounded by.

One Christmas holidays 11 years back, I lost two nephews in the short space of 2 months.

One to each of my siblings....Such sadness, such heartache........

First was new years eve involving my sisters youngest...aged 20; he fell asleep at the wheel while driving home from work.....died instantly in the crash and was buried 10 days before his 21st birthday......

We still miss you David...Your sisters both miss you very much...

You would have made a wonderful priest. 

Second was on the 25th Feb, when my brother found his newborn son with no life, in his cot.....they call it Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Donny was just 84 days old.....I guess angels are needed at all ages.....

Donny, your parents miss you very much, and so does your big sister....You have another sister and a brother now, who often think of you too.  

Having not met my nephew Donny until his funeral, I held his little hand....and whispered to him...."I'm your Aunty". 

Donny had a traditional Kiwi funeral at the house before being buried back in New Zealand beside other family members passed.

Growing up, Christmas memories have not always been the best for me...but becoming a mother has made many new and lovely memories which have replaced the bad ones......

I love my children, and am very appreciative that I have both of them in my life....We've had some extremely close calls where I thought my first born would be taken from me......having had a 'failed cot death' when he was just 2 months old, and a horrible skate boarding accident just a few years ago......

So yes, take time to reflect on your loved ones who are still with you.....and how fortunate you are....
But also give thought to the ones who have passed..........


Over the following weeks.....I will also be thinking about my niece and nephew in my husbands family.....who lost their father in a fatal car crash...at such a young age, not being able to remember him, not having the chance to get to know him........
I know you both miss what you could have had very much....Natasha and Zac, your father loved you sooo much.


Today, take joy in the family you have around you....you may come from a large family...or you may be an only child....you may have children, or you may not.....either way....somewhere.....you have family, because you were born....Think about the family that are not with you now.....especially the family you never met, because you were not born yet when they passed......


Take comfort in the family you do have around you.....
tell them each day, how much you love them......

Happy 20th Birthday "D"

Has it been 20 years since you came into our lives? Happy birthday son....I'm so proud of you, of the man you have grown into....and I know that you know this, because I tell you constantly. 

Nana Cady even made the 8 hour train trip to see you

when you came into the world.

We've had a lot of hurdles, you and me...you've certainly given us a few big scares....like when you stopped breathing at two weeks old and I had to give you full CPR to get you breathing again. You then slept on a sleep monitor until you were old enough to crawl off it. Those days were tough...but we pulled through.

You spent a lot of time with Nana Clarke...

  

Dad, you and I were living in a small flat after you were born, and we didn't have a bath....but we made do with the laundry sink....you didn't mind...as long as you had your toys....

We didn't have a huge back yard, but we loved spending time out the back of our little unit....you were such a cheeky little guy.....and that smile....you've still got it!

I love this photo of you and your father....it reminds me of the lovely day we drove to Beechworth to play tourist....we had a counter lunch at the local pub....and you ran around on the grass.  

You threw your first snow ball at Dad....
at Mt Buffalo in Victoria...........then you threw them at Nana Clarke....the day was filled with lots of laughs and lots of cold hands.






Your first day of school was very exciting, but as we didn't have a camera back then....Anne from next door took a photo for us....you looked so grown up in your new uniform.........

You loved feeding animals....especially the baby ones....You still have a love for animals....

Time went on...and you soon graduated from Primary School...finishing year 6. You were so grown up...but soon you would move on to High School...with many more milestones to follow.

While at High School you also joined the Australian AirForce Cadets...I've mentioned before how proud we all are of you for your achievements while in cadets...and here are a few of my favourite photos from back then..........

Before graduating year 10 at High School you developed a bone disease called Osteo Chondritic Disease, where bone dies at the joints...and you had several pieces of dead bone removed from your elbow. This was to be a genetic disease that your younger brother would also suffer when he reached the same age.

Then there was the scare from your skateboarding accident....

You loved skateboarding, but didn't always wear a helmet...until your accident, where you fell off, fractured your skull on one side..and bruised your brain on both sides from the impact inside your skull.....You also tore the ligament off your collar bone...
You gave us a huge scare...I remember wishing it was all a horrible nightmare that I would wake from...

My mind returns to a vision of you lying on the road with your blood running in the gutter...although you can't recall; you were yelling to me looking into the distance...."Tell my Mum I love her,....I love you Mum'......You didn't know I was there at the time...as your brain had shut down the parts that weren't needed...It took a long time for you to accept that you would never be able to recall the accident, but I explained to you, that it was for the best...your brain new what it needed to do......

When you were air-lifted to a major Sydney hospital, letting you go in the helicopter without me was probably the toughest thing I have had to do...At the time I had no idea how I was going to get to you before you had brain surgery....but a dear friend helped me and I caught up to you a few hours later......
I can't imagine the pain your father went through when I had to leave him behind to head to Sydney..but I remember the sadness and fear in his eyes........When I finally reached you a few hours later.....I learn't that you had improved enough to not need the surgery. I was so relieved, I fell to the floor in tears.

When your memory improved you were able to come home a week later...we moved you into the back loungeroom which we were renovating...a nice big empty room would cope with lots of friends visiting. It took probably a good 12 months for you to get your energy back and you had to re-learn your maths from the start, not knowing 2 times 6 was a nightmare for you....but you were determined to get through it all.....

In your suit, you went on to graduate in year 10....celebrating at your Year 10 Graduation dinner.




While completing your last two years of High School, you got your licence...and found a job delivering Pizza's at night.....Remember how proud you were when you saved enough money to pay cash for your first car? Another proud moment.

I was so disappointed for you though, when you were involved in a car accident

writing your car off. This was indeed a painful time for you, but we were just grateful that no-one was hurt...especially you.

Dad loves teaching you and your brother the welding skills you have...This is one of many great memories for your father. Sharing his skills with his boys is what life is all about.

Having lots of friends by the time you were 18...we decided to celebrate at your place of work.....Having enough cake to share around the staff was great.....but the first piece was for you.

Today is your 20th birthday...We are so proud of the high principles you live by...You are a fine and honest young man with a future of lots of exciting adventures to experience.....

The day you were told you were a successful applicant for an apprenticeship with RailCorp as an Overhead Linesman Electrician; was another proud day for us....and you too....

Today I will cook your favourite foods for your evening meal....and on Saturday we will celebrate with your old work mates at Sam's Pizza....Your girlfriend is staying with us to help join in the celebration...and Poppy and Margaret will have time to get up here from Corowa too......

We all love you so much...you ARE a fine young man that any parent would be proud of.
Welcome to your twenties......with many more good years to come.